OH, I Remembered What Else I Have To Do Today!

I have to work on my Disney Descendants fanfiction. 

Things I Need to Get Done on This Day.

So, yesterday, I made a post about needing to come up with a new routine, blah, blah, blah. I haven't yet. But I figured I'd go ahead and make a list of what I need to get done today, so that maybe it'll be easier to get it done. 

Welp. First, there's this post. 

Then I need to make my second chapter of my burn book. That's right! I'm making a totally 90's inspired burn book. Harriet the Spy much?

I need to work on my second Blogspot. 

Which reminds me! I need to finish putting up the final few links on this blog. 

I have to email a couple of people. 

I wanted to write a couple of my prayers in my Jesus notebook. But we'll have to see if I have the time. 

And I reallyreallyreally need to make a list of all the writing projects I'm working on. 

That's it! Maybe...

Tonight or tomorrow I'll post that list of all my writing projects. 

But for now, I really need to get to work. 

le Schedule le Routine

Looking through, and trying to organize, my posts on this blog, I found my silly posts about a schedule early on in my career on here. ( http://faithliesinme.blogspot.com/2015/03/schedules-schmedules.html ) (  http://faithliesinme.blogspot.com/2015/03/schmedules-schedules.html ) I think it must've been just after my therapist insisted I try schedules to keep me through my days. But I don't do so well with schedules. Never have. Even when I was in elementary school I schmeared my class schedules and did the work I wanted to.
But, what I do do ("hahaha, you said dodo!") well with is routine. And I need to come up with a new one now that I've just finished yet another novel project.
So, I think, sometime soon, that's what my next post will be. For some reason I felt inclined to let y'all know!

Coping for Faithliesinme

➶ ♥ ➶

I am 23, and I have been sick for 23 years. I even spent the first two weeks of my life in the NICU, and my mom couldn’t hold me for three full days.
So, what am I sick with? Well, let’s see, there’s the Acid Reflux and Irritable Bowel Syndrome that I was diagnosed with when I was little (as well as chronic UTIs). The chronic migraines came later on in my childhood. Then, when I was fourteen, and it was time to stop homeschooling and start high schooling, the stress of the change caused my worst illness to flare up. But we didn’t know what it was. We spent three months in and out of the hospital. I was probably X-Rayed three hundred times. Sent back and forth between different doctors. Missed three weeks of school. Wanted. To. Die. Then I was sent into the office of a Rheumnatologist, and my favorite doctor ever. We were in there for only five minutes before he diagnosed me: Basically I don’t have enough cartilage, and it causes serious inflammation and pain. It’s called Hyper-Mobility Syndrome, and the whole thing ended up being a little Faultish: “I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.” Except I’m not dying. I’ll only be sick forever. And which is worst, really?

Resources for spoonies:

Chronic pain/fatigue self-help.

Sleep hygiene.   

➶ ♥ ➶

I wish I could tell you that the physical is all I have to deal with. But it isn’t.
After going through too much in my new adult life, I placed myself in the care of psychology. I have been seeing a therapist for the past three years, and during that time I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, mood disorders, OCD, and Borderline-Personality Disorder. And I’ve been receiving so much help for it.

DBT.

➶ ♥ ➶

*please beware of triggers from this point on

➶ ♥ ➶

Once upon a time this was a full-on recovery blog. A traditional story of girl meets girl, I like to think I saved another girl’s life. We used that story to create this blog together. We wanted to save other girls’ lives. And I like to think that we did for a while. A month into it, our story took a little break when she asked me to take a break. Another month later, she decided to hand the pen completely over to me, and I tried to keep the story going.
But you should never set yourself on fire to keep others warm, and that’s what I was doing. I decided to put the flames out and change the story. That’s why I’m a young author’s blog now. Because I am a young author.

 ➶ ♥ ➶

Four years ago, I started harming myself. Things were bad, and I didn’t think there was anything I could do about that. But there were so many things I could do about that. And I figured a few of them out. And now I’m a year cut clean as of August 19, 2015.

My reasons not to self harmBefore you self-harmButterflies and braceletsMake a coping corner

➶ ♥ ➶

When Demi Lovato opened up about her eating disorder and recovery, she told us that she remembered looking in the mirror at the age of three and thinking she was fat. When I was five-years-old, I remember telling my parents a little white lie because I was embarrassed. They knew I was lying and I heard them talking about it. And I thought I was a bad girl. And I thought that there were things I thought I didn’t deserve. And food was one of those things. Ever since then, I’ve always been made to feel like I don’t deserve my daily needs, like my body has to be punished or something. But I’m slowly starting to learn. And I’m slowly starting to recover.

A list of eating disorder resources

➶ ♥ ➶

You would think with everything else I deal with that I would also deal with suicidal thoughts, and you would be right. And I’d like to say that I’ve never acted out on these thoughts, but I would be lying. I would be dead right now if God hadn’t stalled my car on that September 19th four years ago. And with the way my life is now, I’m so so glad He did.

Feeling suicidal?

➶ ♥ ➶

These things are nothing more than a way of copings. No matter what you feel, the devil is not holding you down. This is a battle you can fight. And your weapon does not have to be a blade. You can fight it with support. You can fight it with art. With sense. You can even have a dance party by yourself.

Visual skills:

Color matching gameCute overloadCute rouletteFireplaceLaugh with the procrastinatorLivestream of the oceanMake everything okayMake SandArt onlinethe Mountain- 3:09Open a windowPaint a nebulaPlay with cobwebsSeed plant breederSmash glassUn-disgruntle yourselfWeave silk

Sound skills:

All the music you’ve ever rebloggedAmbient sounds (multiple)
Calming sounds (multiple)
Coffee shopCoffee shop bluesConcentration 8tracksHappiness 8tracksMake cool musicMake your own A Cappella groupPlay pianoQuiet placeSounds to fall asleep toSounds to help you focusThoughts roomWhite noise generatorYoutube to MP3 (MP4)

Creative skills:

Learn ElvishMake a flower crownMake a font from your handwritingMake gifsMake a wandOrigami
Upcycle old tee shirts/no-sew

Silly skills:

2500 Japanese emoticons Look like a HackerPlay cute games Pokemon secret baseStickman adventures

Sleeping as a skill:

How long to napSleep Calculator

Flattery as a skill:Automatic flattererBe comfortedComfort someoneEmergency complimentGivesmehope

Help somebody else as a skill:

Answer trivia questions and give people riceClick daily to give free food to an animal shelter

➶ ♥ ➶

Animals are such a big part of coping. Many treatment centers use animal therapy, and many therapist recommend volunteering at an animal shelter as a skill. And if you don't believe how much animals can help, I dare you to get a pet and not feel a wee bit happier.

Daily puppyPlay with shelter kittens

Live animal feeds:

CalvesChicksEnglish Bulldog PuppiesKittensPandasParakeetsPenguinsPuppiesSea OtterSloths

➶ ♥ ➶

I never want you to believe that other people can't help you cope too. I wouldn't be where I am without the support and coping of the other humans in my life. And I love them all so much.

International Suicide HotlinesIMAlive-online crisis chat
Lifeline Crisis Chat

➶ ♥ ➶

I saved my favorite way of coping for the last. Fatal to the Flesh is a blank screen that you can cut when you feel like there's nothing left to do but cut or starve or even kill yourself. And it bleeds! I don't know about you, but seeing blood, even computerized, makes me feel like I'm finally doing something. And it's such a relief.

Fatal to the flesh (PLEASE be aware of triggers on this one)

➶ ♥ ➶

And if all else fails, just know that I love you.
aimeeann♥

Just Another Update on My Writing~

Cambio Col[lab] was my dream writing gig. I had wanted it since 2011. I never thought they would submit my first post. 

Writing for them for the first few weeks was a dream too. Thousands of people were reading and actually liking my things. I had the chance to talk to some really cool people. And I even got to ask a couple of celebs a question. All through Cambio. 

A couple of months into the gig, a new manager was hired. I thought she was going to be really cool. But she turned out to be extremely passive aggressive. She wouldn't tell you things that were going on until she was confronted with it, and then she would always say, "My BOSSES said..."

I could deal with a passive aggressive boss, I have before, even though I'm not getting paid for this. But then she blatantly called me a liar for an article I wrote, after stringing it along like she was going to publish it. I sent her a long and honest email about it, and she kind of just shoved it aside. 

That was when I first decided I'd quit. I had decided I was going to wait a little while, and keep writing some, so I could leave with them with a bit of a notice about my departure. 

Until the last straw. When she gave me an assignment that basically called my illness a trend. The sickest part about this is that I'd come out about the illness to her because she'd been sending me assignments that upset me because of it, and I'd asked her if she could stop.

After this final move, I've decided to quit. So I am no longer writing for Cambio. I will be updating on here more often than I have been, and I'll soon start some writing advice blogs. I really look forward to posting them. 

However, if you want to read any of my Col[lab] articles, you may click on the following link. 

http://www.cambio.com/collab/bloggers/aimeeann/

Here's something I just wrote..

I just wrote a scene that I'm super proud of, and thought I would share it with you guys. (Try not to get too confused as it's at the end of the book it's from.)

Suddenly, he grabbed the back of my neck, and shoved me into his lips. I was shocked at first, but then I slowly kissed him back.

I pulled back, "Wait, you remember me?" 

"God, no," he shook his head, always honest to a fault. "I just love you so much."

I put my hands on his cheeks, and pushed my tongue in his mouth. He pressed me closer, and my tongue hit the back of his throat. 

He didn't even gag or anything, he just responded hard against me, kissing me feverishly. 

I hooked my leg against the back of his, hoping he would take the hint.

He did, and lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his hips. 

My fingernails were digging into his cheekbones, and his fingers were tangled in my ratty hair. We kissed each other harder than we ever have since he forgot who I was. 

Blindly, he started carrying me across the yard as he kissed me. I thought we were going to the dormitory, but I then I smelled hay and horse as he pulled open a door. Still kissing me, he carried me into the barn. 

He stopped kissing me, and set me down. 

"What are we doing in here?" I rubbed my wet jumper sleeve. 

"Getting out of the rain." His cheeks were flushed, and there was a smirk on his mouth. 

I nodded, but then kissed that smirk right off. 

He only broke the kiss long enough to pull my jumper over my head, and then he was kissing me just as feverishly, holding me close. 

Without the thick wool of my jumper between us, I could feel every inch of him, the hardness of his body. 

He pulled back to take off his own shirt, but his fingers were shaking too hard at the top button. 

I took over for him, my hands surprisingly steady in the cold and heat. After I had the first button undone, I yanked at his collar to pull him closer and kiss him again. As I kissed him, I pulled apart the rest of the buttons, purposefully slow. 

When I was done with his shirt, he pulled off mine. His hands cupped my breasts as he resumed kissing me again.

I put my own hands over his, pressing him closer. But then he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders, and I helped him slip it all the way off. 

"Thank you," he muttered against my mouth. 

I ignored him, and pulled his undershirt off over his head. I stopped kissing him so I could look at him. I'd seen him without a shirt plenty of times before, but never with water running down his body. I might not have been able to control my water fully, but at least I could make it do something beautiful. 

"Nessa," he said. Still not (Ness).

And then, as he started unbuttoning my jeans, I knew I was going to break my mum's promise with this boy that didn't even remember me.

Gabe knelt down to pull the zipper of my jeans with his teeth, and then he slid them off.

There was a great deal of sloshing as  I pulled my feet out of them, and tossed them to the side.

I expected Gabe to start kissing me again, but he just stayed where he was, looking up at my mostly bare body. His hands went up the shorts I was wearing to caress my bum. 

I sighed, and wrapped my legs around him again. I positioned myself in his lap, my body sliding perfectly against his.

He stood us up, me still in his arms, and started kissing me again. Without taking his lips off of mine, he took his own trousers off. 

I slid my fingers down the back of his boxers' waistband. 

And then... he shoved me off of him. He spat out the worst swear I'd ever heard come from him mouth. 

I ran a finger along my lips, "Gabe."

"Gabriel," he groaned. "Please." And then he grabbed his shirt, and walked away. 

I clutched my throat as the door slammed behind him. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I hiccuped, and started sobbing. 

I was sobbing too hard to put my clothes back on, or even walk back to the dormitory, so I ended up in Pyre's stall and grabbed the red jumper I left in there last time I visited. I put it on, and collapsed into a pile of hay. 

I was being blinded by my tears, and screaming my throat raw. I thought, for once, things could finally be normal between Gabe and me again. But he didn't even want me this time. 

My Best Tool When Writing:

I discovered my best writing tool about a year ago, but for some reason, I haven't used it much since. 

It's not a pen, or any type of paper, or a type-writer, or a writing app of any type. It's probably not at all what you might think. It's actually a soundtrack. 

When it comes to writing, music is my best friend. If I don't have TV going on in the background, then I have music going on in my earbuds. I'm one of those people that HAVE to have noise to work, and I don't understand people that don't. 

The music I listen to while writing ranges from 1D (SOB) to 5SOS to Taylor Swift. But I've found that there is one soundtrack that gets me into the zone once, especially the live scene zone. 

And that is The Mortal Instruments soundtrack. 

For a film adaption of a book, I hated that movie so much. They did the book incredibly wrong. But they did the soundtrack incredibly right. 

One of my favorite Demi songs is on it, and the only songs of Ariana Grande and Jessie J that I even like. Plus, the collab with He is We and Owl City is absolutely gorgeous. 

If you've been looking for a writing soundtrack recommendation, you've totally found one. If you're stuck on a love scene like I have been, I really suggest popping your earbuds in and putting this soundtrack on. 

aimeeann<3